Friday, January 12, 2007


I have officially entered the stage of life where many people I know are getting pregnant. I'm not even married yet so it's a little hard for me to digest so many friends having buns in the oven. Within the past 2 months, I have 3 friends that have either had a baby or just got the news that they are expecting. Last month, I went to the hospital to visit my friend and her newborn and next week is my first baby shower soiree.

For some reason, the idea of close friends of mine starting that next step in their lives towards being parents jolts me back to realizing we are not kids anymore. I tend to forget that we are all grown up now with a long list of countless responsibilities to attend to. In my world, adding a baby to that list seems a little frightening. Which makes me wonder if underneath the over-excited "We're having a baby!!" emails, lies a layer of fear of the unknown?

I started thinking about all of this baby nonsense today because one of my good friends sent me pics of her newborn. I saw the baby one day after she was born six weeks ago and she is the cutest thing ever. My friend says being a Mom so far is enriching, fun and tiring as hell.

However, she says she would never go back to not having that little munchkin around. Another friend/mother once told me that, she never knew she could love something or someone so much until her little boy came into her life. Her statement echoes my mother's comments on raising me and my sister. She says having us around for 18 years was the best time of her life. She thoroughly enjoyed being a Mother and still misses us kids being at home. It makes me wonder if having a baby will really be the best decision I make in my life.

I must be honest with myself and say that all of this baby news has me feeling like I am missing the boat. In the sane part of my mind, I know I am not ready to procreate. As you read in my last post, my paycheck-to-paycheck lifestyle isn't exactly the most ideal situation for being a good parent. But in the utopia part of my mind, I do dream of having the baby and the fabulous husband to go along with it. Of course, we wouldn't have any financial problems and I would be able to spend the first three years of my child's life at home with him/her. The thought of being able to spend holidays and vacations with your kids and hubby does sound quite enjoyable in my all too single world. I reluctantly pull myself out of the dream and back to my reality of still making my own baby (writing career) become a success. Eventually the real baby will come along ( I think) and I can evoke some weird thoughts/feelings in other non-mothers from my "We're having a baby" email!!


Wanderlusting said...

Don't do it! I feel like a lack a maternal insinct and all that, but know that probably one day I will have kids, even though I can't imagine it at the moment. But having a baby because of pressure is the worst's like couples who have one because they are bored.

Good for you for sticking to your guns. It doesn't matter what everyone else says or is do what's right when YOU are ready for it.

PS love the title of your blog...very fitting

Madrid said...

Thanks for the comment 'wanderlusting' and what you said is very true. We all have to paint our own canvas' and not get pressured into letting others choices affect our own. I love the title of your blog too!