Monday, January 29, 2007

Is Chemistry Important?

I am a true Sex & City addict. I can quote damn near half the show but I keep tuning in on a nightly basis to see the many quirks of pseudo real life situations they portray in the dating world. In one episode, Carrie talked about a certain relationship missing the "zsa zsa zsa voom". In other words, it was missing the chemistry and the passion. Here in lies the age old question of, "Is chemistry really that important to sustain a successful relationship?"

A friend once told me that chemistry is overrated; she said you don't need it to have a happy relationship with someone. She thinks there are so many wonderful qualities that people bring to relationships that we are so willing to dismiss if the chemistry is lacking. This might make sense to some but not to me.

For me, chemistry is one of the most important things to have in a relationship. If it is lacking and everything else is good on paper, I will dimiss the person. It is such a wonderful thing when you can strongly connect with a stranger and become left speechless as to why you connect.

Only a certain few men have conjured up the "zsa zsa zsa voom" in me that invoked the "Where have you been all of my life" feeling. If I don't feel the "zsa zsa zsa voom", then I simply place them in the friend category or the psuedo-relationship category. A pseudo-relationship looks like a real relationship but it's not. You go to dinner, movies, coffeshops, museums, have sex but you never decide to be a couple. The decision to not be a couple lies in the lack of chemistry between the two parties. At least in my head, this is the reason.

If chemistry is not important, what is? Do we trade in chemistry and passion for money, sex, fame, security, fear of being alone? Maybe for some, these things really do outweigh the chemistry connection. Even my pseudo-relationships are just trade-ins for when the real chemistry does come along. A simple waiting period to make life not seem so dull. Everytime I find myself with any of the psuedo-relationship guys, I try to convince myself that chemistry is overrated but it never works. My memories of the "zsa zsa zsa voom" feeling eventually over takes me and makes me keep waiting and watching for Mr. Chemistry to walk into my life.

This question will never die and other bloggers will bring new meaning to it I'm sure. I guess there is no good way to end this blog but to say, to each their own...


Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Weight-Loss Woes

I have never been thin. I was a normal sized kid but after I turned 9, I was always the little girl that was 15 pounds overweight. My parents got divorced when I was 9 and my Mom went from working one job to knocking out two for awhile. She tried her best to still cook healthy meals on a daily basis but one person can only do so much. As soon as she realized I was gaining weight, she cut one of the jobs she was working and tried to get me back on the right track.

Enter the long diet phase. For as long as I can remember I have been on a diet. I would lose a little weight here and there but somehow put it back on. I remember having exercising sessions with my mother in grade school; she grew up in a house where she couldn't eat certain foods as a teen because her mother told her she should always "think 6". This might have caused her to be a little lax with me at times. I even started playing sports in middle school but somehow that extra 15 pounds never shed from my body. I grew to accept that I would never be thin.

Over the years, that 15 pounds grew to 20, 40, 60 pounds etc. Now, I am at my all time highest weight but I am not about to have a Kirstie Alley moment and share the number with the entire world. In my early twenties, I was a size 12 and I got comfortable at that size. I still occasionally dieted because I think I am truly addicted to being on any new magical diet that will cause me to lose 20 pounds in 10 days without lifting a finger.

As a new birthday rolled around, more weight piled on. Just like every other overweight person, a recent photo let me see how my weight really has gotten out of hand. Over the holidays, I saw extended family and all anyone could say for the entire trip was, "Oh my God, you got so fat". Unfortunately, my family does not mince words. Although I do find it rather peculiar that people are so quick to point out your short-comings without examining theirs first. But I will leave that topic for another blog on another day. I do want to lose the weight and live a healthy lifestyle; yet something stops me from banishing the weight once and for all.

I think I have grown attached to seeing myself as an overweight person. It's been with me longer than any friend I have to date. At this stage, it's wrapped into my identity. Sometimes I think that losing the weight will be like losing apart of myself. But for now, losing the extra weight also represents the final stage of becoming an adult. I'm responsible in many areas of my life and I mentally matured much faster than many of my peers. The extra weight sort of turned into a way for me to hold on to that invincible mentality we tend to have as a child. They always say that being overweight is never about the food; it's always about something deeper. In my case, I guess it's not being sure of who I will be once that part of me is gone.


Thursday, January 18, 2007

Defining Labels

Yesterday, I had a very interesting conversation with a friend of mine. Her comment got me to thinking about the labels we tend to place on ourselves. She just ended a 3 year relationship with her boyfriend and is single for the first time since she started dating 7 years ago.

This week was the first week she was alone in her apartment sans boyfriend. She happily said, "I felt like a real single woman for the first time in my life last night because I stocked my fridge with alcohol and then watched When Harry Met Sally!!". In return I said, "So, you think I am a lush that watches romantic comedies on a nightly basis?" Insert lots of laughter from the both of us. No, this doesn't sum up her entire viewpoint of single life but her little saying definitely got my brain off and running. Do we really base our lifestyles on being single vs. coupled?

When a person is single he/she makes all of their decisions on their own and never thinks to consult with anyone before choosing an activity to partake in. If a friend calls asking to go play cards at some random cousin's best friend's house on a Saturday night, he/she is ready and willing. However, when people are coupled, they give up a little bit of their autonomy to the "relationship" and no longer choose to go play cards at the drop of a hat. Sometimes their personal interests literally seem to fly out the window once they have a partner by their side. People go back and forth throughout their lives from living single lifestyles to living coupled lifestyles. Why do we have to put a label in front of the lifestyle we are living?

Another friend recently said that although he likes dating, he doesn't like being in a "couple" for the very reason I just pointed out. He doesn't want to change his "I" status to a "We" status because of the negative stipulations it presents. He doesn't want anyone cracking down on his time with the boys so he prefers to fly solo. Which makes me wonder why our independent nature has to get stifled in relationships?

Sometimes we choose to stifle it and other times, we are forced to stifle it. In either case, I think it shouldn't be stifled at all because what if one day you wake up and can't even find it anymore. Maybe I am thinking too long and hard on one little funny comment a friend made but I think I am on to something with re-examining how we choose to define our lifestyle.


Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Lending a Hand

I decided not to make any resolutions for the New Year. Unfortunately in my case, the act of making the resolution seems to curse the results. At the end of last year, I looked back on everything I did in 2006 and I felt like I did nothing at all. I'll rephrase and say I felt like I did nothing to impact someone else's life at all. So, the one big change I want to make in my life as I get older is to help others more. Sure, I help my friends or acquaintances with little things that go wrong from time to time in their lives but I never get that immense feeling of joy that comes along with giving back to those less fortunate than yourself. I know this sounds, looks and feels like a New Year's Resolution but it's more of the start of a positive life change.

About a week ago, I went to a volunteer orientation at a homeless shelter in downtown LA. I used to volunteer when I was younger and I have recently been compelled to jump back into it as an adult. It was quite interesting walking around the shelter and seeing what they do for the homeless there. It almost felt like a jail but obviously with less restrictions. What I like most is that this shelter has a special program that lasts for 18 months that teaches them the necessary skills to re-enter into society. The director said only about half of the people that walk through their doors actually enter the program; half is better than none. For many of them, the program is a way to stop abusing drugs while others use it to get their GED. The director said the shelter is their last stop on a long road to recovery.

After we took a tour of the grounds, we watched a video of what this particular shelter's mission is and one line stuck with me many days thereafter. The narrator said, "Maybe the life you save will be your own". I, like everyone else experiences having a void of some sort in your life at times. Usually we do everything except the right thing to fill this void. My personal void has mainly centered around me being single for most of my adult life and wondering why I could never find that special someone to share my happiness with. Although I have always had many friends who love me that I can count on more than two hands and a great family that also has showered me with an over-abundance of love, I focused on the one aspect of my life that I didn't have and created this void. It all sounds kind of silly as I write about it here amongst talking about the homeless but it's my life and it's my void. Or should I say, my soon-to-be extinct void.

This void along with other voids I have nursed throughout the years has caused me to fall into a trap of getting too caught up in my own life. It's hard not to fall into this trap because no one else but you can make your life turn into the perfect vision you envision it to be. But now I am beginning to think I have enough time to grow my life as well as help grow someone else's life; or at least I can try. I just have to abandon the "me" parade thinking first. Everything has been about me, myself and I for far too long. I didn't realize I had become so self-absorbed until one day last month, I just got sick of whining to myself about me and my wants. I had an epiphany and thought, what if I transfer all of this "I want a relationship" energy into something else. I'm sure you can tell I am one of those, "Everything happens in your life for a reason" kind of gals. Maybe if I had my perfect life already, I wouldn't have even thought to take this path to the shelter. For now, the shelter is my first stop on a long road to helping myself as well as helping others.


Friday, January 12, 2007


I have officially entered the stage of life where many people I know are getting pregnant. I'm not even married yet so it's a little hard for me to digest so many friends having buns in the oven. Within the past 2 months, I have 3 friends that have either had a baby or just got the news that they are expecting. Last month, I went to the hospital to visit my friend and her newborn and next week is my first baby shower soiree.

For some reason, the idea of close friends of mine starting that next step in their lives towards being parents jolts me back to realizing we are not kids anymore. I tend to forget that we are all grown up now with a long list of countless responsibilities to attend to. In my world, adding a baby to that list seems a little frightening. Which makes me wonder if underneath the over-excited "We're having a baby!!" emails, lies a layer of fear of the unknown?

I started thinking about all of this baby nonsense today because one of my good friends sent me pics of her newborn. I saw the baby one day after she was born six weeks ago and she is the cutest thing ever. My friend says being a Mom so far is enriching, fun and tiring as hell.

However, she says she would never go back to not having that little munchkin around. Another friend/mother once told me that, she never knew she could love something or someone so much until her little boy came into her life. Her statement echoes my mother's comments on raising me and my sister. She says having us around for 18 years was the best time of her life. She thoroughly enjoyed being a Mother and still misses us kids being at home. It makes me wonder if having a baby will really be the best decision I make in my life.

I must be honest with myself and say that all of this baby news has me feeling like I am missing the boat. In the sane part of my mind, I know I am not ready to procreate. As you read in my last post, my paycheck-to-paycheck lifestyle isn't exactly the most ideal situation for being a good parent. But in the utopia part of my mind, I do dream of having the baby and the fabulous husband to go along with it. Of course, we wouldn't have any financial problems and I would be able to spend the first three years of my child's life at home with him/her. The thought of being able to spend holidays and vacations with your kids and hubby does sound quite enjoyable in my all too single world. I reluctantly pull myself out of the dream and back to my reality of still making my own baby (writing career) become a success. Eventually the real baby will come along ( I think) and I can evoke some weird thoughts/feelings in other non-mothers from my "We're having a baby" email!!


Thursday, January 11, 2007

Curve Balls

This week has been a little insane. My career life is on rocky terrain. The start-up production company where I work is running out of money. Two days before X-mas, my boss told me my last day is 1/15/07. I was in Target shopping when I got this news and I had to immediately leave the store. I think I was more shocked than scared. Although I am one of those living paycheck-to-paycheck kind of people, I wasn't scared about not having any money. I was more frightened of not having the opportunity anymore. This place held such promise of me being able to fulfill my dreams of being a producer/writer. Of course I know there will be more opportunities, I just wasn't ready to give up this current one.

However, today things started to take an interesting turn. My boss is venturing into the world of infomercials and wants to know if I want to be his personal assistant. I accepted the offer although infomercials is not something I have ever wanted to work in. I guess we gotta keep swinging the bat even if we are thrown curveballs. Keep on truckin' as my Mom would say.

While I was dealing with my job woes, I got a call from one of my close friends this week. She just had a baby a month ago and now her husband is diagnosed with a brain tumor. I felt absolutely gutted when I heard this news. They are such good people that don't need this kind of tribulation right now. Surprisingly, she sounded hopeful that everything would work out. I thought about how unimportant my own problem was at that moment and said a silent prayer for her family. Sometimes, while dealing with your own curveballs, you have to take a step back and help someone with theirs...


Wednesday, January 10, 2007

To Blog or Not to Blog

My title, "To Blog or Not to Blog" is unoriginal but when it comes to making up title's, choosing usernames or picking a drink at a bar, my mind draws a blank. I started writing a blog on Myspace last year but never mantained it; I hope here I can at least make a weekly entry. I was initially inspired to write a blog by a friend of mine who has consistently written colorful stories in her blog for over a year now. She has many followers/fans; it's almost like she is famous in blog-land.

I would love for many souls out there to read my words but I am really doing this in hopes of having some type of record of what goes on in my life on a week-to-week basis. I also look at Blogging as a form of cleansing the spirit because you get to purge everything inside of you and not worry about what people think. It's a cheap form of therapy, if you will!

I'll start this first post off by giving you a little info about myself. I'm female, 29, single and currently living in Los Angeles. I am from the South originally but La-La land has been my home for more than 5 years. I moved here with dreams of becoming a famous writer. My overnight success hasn't happened yet but I managed to finally land a job in the industry working as an executive assistant at a start-up production company. I spent the first four years in Los Angeles working for an internet company. Those 4 years were great because of the people I met but also horrible due to the sheer nature of what I did. I had to help "to be brides" with wedding questions. Bridezilla took a whole other meaning to me but I won't bore you with the details.

I named this blog, "Which is more important - Journey or Destination" because it's a question I have always pondered over. I tend to gravitate more towards the journey being more important because it will make us appreciate the destination more. It also lets you discover who you are as a person and discover the things that matter most to you in your life. So come ride with me this year on my continuing journey and hopefully I will discover more interesting facets of what I want out of this thing called "Life"....