Monday Night In Review:
Monday night got started with M & I having the luck of the traffic Gods with us as we got to Downtown from the Valley in a record 30 minutes during Rush Hour. For all you fellow Angeleno's, I know what you're thinking. Priceless. We went to Ciudad and got our happy hour on with Mojito's, Sangria and Wine. We figured 2 tiny fish tacos each would suffice to hold our libations at bay. Needless to say, we were drunk by the time we left the restaurant and it was only 6:30pm. I could tell the night was going to be one to remember. We decided to smoke a little sumthin sumthin in the car to heighten our drunkenness craziness.
This is where my memory gets a little foggy but I don't think I will ever forget what happened next. As we pulled up to the parking lot, the attendant was directing everyone where to park but I simply couldn't understand him and was thoroughly confused.
Parking Attendant: Follow me and park here
Me: Huh?
Parking Attendant: Park heeerrrree.
Still baffled, I rolled down the window.
Me: Can we smoke here? Oh shit, I mean park here?
Insert lots of the laughter from the 3 of us at my foolishness to actually ask a parking attendant if I could smoke a doobie in his parking lot. Ahem, maybe we should have smoked after we parked!
We got to the concert and sucked down more alcohol while we waited for Justin to emerge. I thought the crowd would be really young but no, almost everyone was over 25. We even met a group of women at Ciudad over 40 who were shrieking about the concert. Timberlake's effect apparently has no age boundaries.
By the time Justin was about to come on, M commented on how the Patron tasted like water with a hint of lemon and I concurred by gulping the rest of it down. I pulled out my newly purchased Justin glowsticks and started twirling to the sound of the crowd. To be honest, I can't really remember which song he started the concert with but I do remember not wanting to ever plant my butt in the seat. His live singing was way better than I expected and his dancing was by far the best. M & I kept saying how lucky his girlfriend is and how crazy any woman that leaves him must be. To be with a man that is hot, can sing & dance is just...priceless (can you tell this is my fav word of the day).
Justin rocked out for nearly 3 hours and towards the end, his slow songs induced some sleepiness on M&I or perhaps it was all that drankin & smokin that caused our stupor. However, he had us back out of our seats with the closing song, Sexy Back. The entire stadium sang every word along with him and I'm sure all of us felt a little bit sexier in the process.
Of course M&I got pseudo-lost on our way back to the car but we managed to figure out where we parked. I had to chuckle because we kept saying all night, we can't get forget where the car is! But me and her together = t.r.o.u.b.l.e. This night will go down in the memory books for sure. Well, at least what I can remember...
Thursday, September 20, 2007
The Sexy Was Brought And Then Some...
Monday, September 17, 2007
Justin, Justin, Justin
Only 7 hours and 15 minutes to go until me and one of my favorite people on the planet get to see Justin Timberlake in concert!! Tonight I will get to channel the effervescent school girl locked up inside of me as I scream and wail from my seat as if he can hear my falseto voice. I cannot wait to see him shimmie and boogie on stage like there is no tomorrow. Sigh. I am in a happy place...
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Laundry Lists
I got a laptop yesterday. Hip, hip hooray! Now, to some that might seem like not a big deal but to me, it was a groundbreaking achievement. I am a so-called writer but I have never had my own personal computer let alone my own personal laptop. Today owning a computer is like possessing a toothbsrush. Everyone just has one, period. Everyone except me.
I sit here and remember the long laundry list of excuses I told myself to justify not having one. "I don't make enough money." "I have so many bills." "I want to go to Vegas." "Dammit, I just can't spend $600 right now!" But what it all boils down to is priorities. Putting the important things in life at the top of the list of priorities I made for myself was something I ran from like a kid runs from the bully at school. For me it was so hard to activate the discipline it took to save the money. There, I said it, the nasty word. Discipline.
In my first year of college, I got a D in Calculas because I was more concerned with hanging out with my friends till the wee hours of the morning than preparing for my exams. The day before my final exam, I waited 6 hours in line to get tickets for front row seats to go and see the cult classic, RENT. Seeing that show for the fifth time was utterly joyous but I'm not so sure the school probation I incurred from recieving the D was worth it.
That inevitable D dropped my GPA below the number I needed to retain my scholarship. For lack of a better term, I was screwed. When I told my Mother, she said, "What happened?" The laundry list of excuses I told her were:
"I couldn't understand the professor due to his funky Croatian accent".
"The class was too big and I could barely see what he wrote on the board from the back of the room".
"Maybe I just don't get math anymore".
But I couldn't pull the, "I really didn't understand Calculus" act with my Mother because in high-school, I got straight A's in all of my math classes. My mother says, "Were you partying too much?" No, I was just hanging out. "Hanging out doing what?" I don't know just hanging out. "Well if you lose your scholarship, you will be hanging out at home." Needless to say, I got my shit together. I would love to say that I magically raised my GPA the next semester by not putting any extra effort towards studying but I corrected my error ways by letting that nasty word enter into my lifestyle - discipline.
I like to think that all of these funny little lessons I have learned prepares me for the next bigger lesson. And it sure is hilarious to sit back and think about the things I use to put at the top of my priority list...
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
Book Report: Grammar School Style
I recently read a book that made me think of the good ole days of writing book reports; I used to LOVE writing book reports when I was kid. While every other kid was grumbling during the book report assignment, I was secretly jumping for joy inside. Since reading was my number one hobby as a child, I relished the opportunity to write my opinions about the adventures I discovered in between the pages.
Fast forward 20 years, I still love to read but I don't get around to it as much. However, I recently read a book called, "Why Do I think I Am Nothing Without A Man" and I want to discuss some of its life-changing concepts with you guys. The book is written by a psychologist named Penelope Russianoff (she played the role of the psychologist in Unmarried Woman) and it came out in the early 80's. Although, it is over 20 years old, the author's message is still very much on point.
Penelope addresses her book to all women, married and single, and how she believes that too many women make the mistake of thinking that men complete them. From career driven women to stay-at-home Moms, she says that many women feel empty if there is not a certain someone in their lives.
Penelope gathered her research from studying women in her practice and from the classes she taught at New York's New School of Social Research. She has studied the relationship lives of thousands of women and from the ones she encountered, over 95% of her patients think they are nothing without a man. I know, a staggeringly high amount!
The author uses a great term to describe this "nothing without a man" mentality. She calls it, Desperate Dependence, which can be defined by any of the following:
Severe clinging to a man
Feelings of void if a man is not in your life
Major focus of life is on a man
Feels that the world views you as abnormal without a male consort
The man must be totally absorbed by you and must "need" you
Luckily, desperate dependence is a learned (nature and/or nurture) behaviour and can be corrected if one chooses to take the plunge of reforming herself. According to the author, it is very important for women to get in touch with their "inner core of security" in order to kick the desperate dependence habit. In the author's words, having an "inner core of security" is like having a, "solid spine of confidence that is part of you; you take it with you wherever you go. And with this inner source of sustenance, you do not have to rely for safe harbor or for self-esteem on anyone outside of yourself".
I think that in order to develop an "inner core of security", you have to really get in touch with your wants, needs and desires as a woman. Once we as women learn how to love and depend on ourselves for our happiness, then we can take all of these strong points to a relationship.
Penelope says throughout the book that she is not advocating for women to develop a "I don't ever need a man" mentality. Men are great and they definitely have a place in our lives; they can make some of life's experiences very rewarding. She just wants women to learn how to independently nurture their body, soul and spirit so that when you are with a man, you can bring your whole self to the partnership.
Another important concept explained in the book is learning how to love and enjoy being alone. Unfortunately, many women equate being alone with being lonely. Sometimes you can be very happy when you are single and alone versus times when you are sad & lonely even though you are in a relationship. I think a lot of women get into a rut of thinking that their partner is supposed to make them happy and make their lives not listless and boring. It is not anyone else's job or duty to make you happy. You have to make yourself happy first or you will be going through men left and right searching for the one that can never bring that elusive happiness to you.
Mrs. Russianoff (yes, she is married) says many women think that having a husband or having a man that loves them guarantees they will never be alone. But this is what they call living life with rose colored glasses on. Your spouse or boyfriend might leave you or gasp, die before you. So, we have to accept the fact that at some point in our lifetime, we will be alone. Instead of trying to avoid it at all costs, we should embrace it when it comes. Being alone simply gives you time to get to know yourself and to call all the shots so to speak.
Maybe some women don't want to be alone because they really don't love themselves. But here's a thought, if you don't like or love yourself, how do you expect anyone else to like and love you? I also think that some women might think this type of attitude (not being afraid to be alone) might make them look less desirable to a man but in reality, it makes you look more desirable to a man. No man wants a clingy woman that needs him for survival. And if he does seek this type of woman out, then he has issues too.
In closing, I back the author up full heartedly with her opinions on getting out of the "desperate dependence" line and jumping over to the "inner core of security" line. I think deep down, all women want to develop a love so strong for themselves that will prevent them from falling privy to thinking they are nothing without a man.
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Can We Just Be Friends?
Last week, I went to volunteer at the homeless shelter. Whenever I walk into their safe haven, it feels like being home. Everyone is so warm and friendly and ready to help out when needed. Stepping inside those doors always reminds me of being back in the south instead of being in gritty downtown LA.
Outside of church, it's the only place where I see people openly talk about the power of God in their lives. Most of them are ex-addicts who have found Christ so you can imagine how grateful they are to God to just still be alive. But this post isn't about God, it's about me possibly getting into a sticky situation with a MAN.
Most of the men flirt with the female volunteers because they are surrounded by only men for the length of the program (13 months). It's harmless flirting and I play along. I bet you're thinking that my possible sticky situation involves a homeless man; wouldn't that be an interesting saga! In reality, it's one of the employees that works there as a cook.
I deemed him harmless at first because I thought he was married when I met him a few months ago. He talked about missing his older daughter who is in Iraq and he just seemed like a family man. I guess I should have suspected something when he asked if I was married or single but I didn't. I didn't give him my usual "I have a boyfriend" spiel. I think his part-time seminary school status elicited my honesty.
While we were cleaning up after the food service, Seminary man asked me and another volunteer what church we attended, if any. We both rattled off the names of our churches as did he. He then invited us both to his church and asked if he could have our contact info. We both agreed and gave him our phone numbers. In case you are wondering, the other volunteer is a gay man. At this point, I should have known what was up.
Last night, Seminary man dialed me up. He said he just wanted to call and see how I was doing and invite me to church one Sunday in the near future. He then said that he would really like to get to know me and asked if he could take me to lunch or dinner. There it was; the real reason why he was calling. Sunday service was just the point of entry.
He told me that he liked the way, "I carried myself" and that I seemed like a nice mature woman. Although his old school approach was quite refreshing, my interest in him stops at the friend mark. I can already hear you saying, what about what you said in your previous post about fully getting to know someone before you make a conclusion so quickly.
In return I say to you, there is an exception to every rule. He is a nice man and we do have somewhat decent conversation together but we are at two exremely different points in our lives. He is 49, has been married before and has a daughter in her 20's. Not quite the ideal of what I am looking for.
From the brief conversations we have had, he does seem like he has lived an interesting life and I would really like to get to know him but I wonder if the man/woman friendship is only a myth. I've only had 2 platonic male friends since the onset of adulthood and it only worked because neither of us had a romantic interest in the other.
I intend to be completely honest with this man so no one gets hurt. My "filler" days are over and I no longer feel comfortable using someone else just to please my own flesh. I kinda hope he is okay with just being my friend. It would be nice to have a platonic friendship with a man again but at this stage in life, I'm just not so sure it's possible...
Monday, August 20, 2007
I Got My Body Fat Tested...
And no, I am not telling you my number; it's quite embarrassing actually. When I saw my number, the usual thought, "How did I let this happen" stormed across my mind. As I mentioned before, I am apart of a weight loss challenge which started yesterday and ends in February. We went to a health expo a week ago and got our body fat tested but then we found another way to get more accurate results. It's called the
This company does the body fat testing for many of the weight loss reality TV shows like Celebrity Fit Club. I really had no idea what to expect when I arrived. As soon as we walk into the facility, I see a perky Asian woman ready to get our tests underway. She had one of those,"I've never had a fat day in my life" type of bodies. I knew I had to get in a pool to get tested but I thought they would simply hook me up to a machine and be done in 5 seconds. The experience was quite difficult.
I got into the water tank and listened for further instructions. The perky Asian lady said to blow 3 deep breaths out of your mouth as if you were hyperventilating. On the last breath, you hold your nose and dunk your head back into the water while you are still blowing the air out. It sounds easy as pie but everytime I dunked my head into the water, I would suck the air back into mouth. I did this about two times before I got it right and damn near choked during the process. Phewww.
After we finished, perky Asian lady discusses our results and gives us advice on how to change our body fat for the better. Since me and another participant are heavier than the other people in our group, we get a full-blown explanation of how to eat. I was itching to pull the, "I know this shit already, I just have a hard time applying it" card but I sat there quiet and nodded my head. I guess it is true what they say. Knowledge is only power when applied.
I have read countless nutrition and health books but I never follow the plans for more than 3 weeks. But this time is different. Not only do I have to prove to myself that I can shed this weight but I can't let myself look like a lazy bum next to the other 4 people in this challenge. And I REFUSE to go back to perky Asian lady in February with the same body fat measurements I got yesterday. Wish me luck!!
Friday, August 17, 2007
Everybody's Getting Betrothed!!
I know my topics have been on a marriage/relationship type of kick lately but this theme keeps popping up in my life. This week I found out that yet another friend of mine is getting married. However, this time, it's not one of my girls, it's a guy I used to date.
We had one of those on-again, off-again courtships; it was kind of like a booty call with perks. Although we mainly had a sexual relationship, we still went on dates. He would hint at wanting a serious relationship but I ignored those hints and kept our status as "uncommitted". Throughout the time we were together, he never dated anyone else. He said he could never sleep with more than one woman at once. He was made to be in a committed relationship but he seemed to always get involved with women that just couldn't see him as the "relationship guy".
By the time he met me, he said he had stopped worrying about if he would ever find "the one" and learned to just enjoy his life alone. I admired his way of thinking and his attitude took the pressure off of me. Our booty call romance ended after a year but we still kept in touch. This week, he called to tell me he was getting married. I know what you're thinking, he was dating someone else the whole time. He's not a nice guy after all. No.
His parents found someone for him to marry from his country and he actually agreed. I was shocked. In the past, he said he was never the type to do an arranged marriage. I didn't question his reasons for getting married but I couldn't help but wonder if he was just tired of not succeeding in romance here in this country and decided to take advantage of the old world customs of his own country.
I'm reading this book right now called, "Why do I think I am nothing without a man". The author says that we as humans are conditioned to believe that we can only be happy if we are apart of a twosome. Although the book is geared towards women, she says a lot of men think this way too. There are many more layers to this book which I will have to write about later. I just think it's interesting how someone who claimed to be at peace with being alone is about to jump into an arranged marriage. Maybe he never really stopped worrying about finding "the one" and only pushed those thoughts deep into his subconscious.
After he told me his good news, we said our goodbyes and I wished him well. I know we will never see each other again because it would be too weird. I knew I never wanted to be in a serious relationship with him but I felt kind of sad. He is the first man that I have dated that is getting married (that I know of) and it feels like I am losing someone. Maybe I am just being selfish but it's hard to imagine him taking such a serious step with someone else. I know he deserves every piece of happiness but why is it so hard for me to let go? I think that's why I am so adamant about remaining friends with people I have dated; it's just so hard to have them exit from your life. In the end, I hope it all works out for my friend.
