Getting Back Into The Game - I Think...

I've been debating for the past 2 months about putting my profile back on a dating website. I haven't been online since June 06' and I haven't gone on a date since February 07'. I am starting to get the itch of wanting to date but I am hesitant to get back out there due to my lackluster dating history. I tend to attract the sweet, kind and nice men that tend to bore me 95% of time. Whether I meet them online, at a party or a club, it's the same dude. Whether they are black, white, yellow or blue(ain't it funny how people always say yellow or blue when describing races!), it's the same dude. They say we attract what we put out there so maybe I am sweet, kind and boring! (Gasp).

Although I don't think that is necessarily the entire sum of it. I was watching reruns of Oprah yesterday and it was an episode about love. Angela Bassett and Courtney B. Vance were talking about their love story and how they were friends first before they became lovers. They went to the same college but didn't personally know each other. 10 years later, they ran into each other in Hollywood and got together for a date. She said she thought he was, "sweet, kind and boring" after the date and decided he wasn't her type. She put him in the friend category but they ended up falling in love later down the line. She said after they really got to know each other, they realized they were soulmates. I thought their story was cute; it gives you hope that maybe the boring guy really can turn out to be the prince if you give him a chance.

Her and Oprah said it takes a certain maturity to get past the,"Oh my god he is boring" mentality. Maybe while we are young, we want constant excitement to stem from relationships with men, be it positive or negative. We overlook the nature of the persons heart and immediately look at personality flaws he might have. It's funny, when I ask my mom what attracted her so much to my dad, she always says, "I knew he had a good heart and would always love me". My dad has a list of boring qualities I don't care to name but instead, she looked at his heart. Maybe these older women are on to something...

In the past, I have dismissed many men who I thought were boring but now, I'm planning on being more open in the future. I don't plan on settling but I hope to at least fully get to know someone before I make a decision about him not being for me. I'll let all you darlings know what happens once I get back in the game.

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Mental Break

I have been gone yet again for 3 months here in blogland but I have returned with more interesting stories to share. First off, I lost my job at the production company end of May. Now I can say/write it with such ease but when it happened, I was a bit distraught. Not because I loved the job so much but I depended on the paycheck. I only had a little savings so I kept wondering where money would come from after it ran out because it sure ain't falling from the sky. I knew I could call on my parents once my banking account hit $0 but it's so hard to ask for handouts when you are almost 30. My parents were married and had a mortgage when they were my age and never had to ask their parents for money by then. And kids are supposed to do better than their parents; I guess I missed that memo!

Anywhoo, luckily I got unemployment which afforded me some much needed time off. All in all, I had 7 weeks of not reporting to any job. I must say, it was fabulous!! I got to have a little taste of what my life would be like if I could make a living as a writer. I woke up every day and felt free and I haven't felt that way in a long time. All of the free time allowed me to think about myself and my needs and the changes I need to make in my life. Unfortunately, when you are working, it's too hard to sit down and really meditate on the course of your life and the direction you want to take. We get so bogged down with what everyone else needs and forget that we have to take care of ourselves first.

My mental break was fun but every good thing must come to an end, right? I decided to get a temporary gig until I build up my financial services business. Building up my client base is definitely not a piece of cake but I'm thinking the benefits will be great in the end. The temp gig is really easy and just what I need; it still allows me to feel free since I am not locked into a permanent contract.

My mom always says, every "bad" thing that happens to us in our life is not necessarily bad. Losing my job was actually the best thing that happened to me this year because I gained so much peace and clarity from it.

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Friendships

I went out dancing on Saturday night to a place I used to frequent a lot when I was younger. This particular club had a grand opening because they haven't been at this venue in years, so I saw a lot of old faces that I hadn't seen since I left the party scene. Back in the day, my friends and I went to this same spot every weekend and congregated with the same people. In a sense we built a community of friends at this place.

This past weekend got me to thinking about how people come in and out of your life. I once read this poem about how everyone you ever meet has a certain season in your life. Some are meant to stay just for a little while and others for a lifetime. For me, my circle of friends changes every 5-6 years. It's been this way since I was 6 years old. I moved around quite a bit as a child so I learned early on that people don't last forever in your life. Although I understood this concept as a child, my idealist mentality still has a hard time accepting it. Sometimes I just wish friendships would never change but I know that is ridiculously impractical. Life experiences make us grow in different ways which makes us grow apart in some cases. All of a sudden, you start to realize you have absolutely nothing in common with the person you used to have everything in common with.

Even when past friends have left my circle, I always like to think that we will keep in touch but it doesn't always work out that way. I have lost some friends I never thought I would have lost which brought me to tears in some cases. Now, I just try and enjoy the present as much I can with my friends because I never know when their time is going to expire in my life.

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